Graphing the Seasons

The changes of season can be marked by what I consume. In fact, you could draw a graph of the calendar year and it would look something like this:

Slurpees = summer.

Whiskey = winter

That doesn’t really look like a graph, but I assure you I have the original sketch right here on the back of a receipt for a cantaloupe. On my sketch I also included coffee as a line at the top of the receipt indicating all seasons. It is straight with only a few dotted-lined dips where I intended to cut back on consumption.

This graph is important because I can tell from it that summer is here. The city is sizzling and people are delirious on the east coast from the absence of avocados in their diet. The beach is nice. During one particular glorious day at the sea, I had a traumatic incident that gave me flashbacks to that summer in '98 when I was swarmed by bats.

No there were not bats at the beach. There were gulls. (Sea gulls they call them since they live at the sea.) These birds are scavengers. Vulture-gulls. Pre-historic pigs.
There I was, hot dog in hand. From behind swooped a rustle of wings. Then it was no longer a rustle. Feathers were flapping in my face. The slimy feet of those barbarians grazed my arm knocking that dog from my hand. The meat didn’t even touch the sand. They fought over the food mid-air, squawking at me “we’ve taken all you have”. I shrieked and stood paralyzed amongst the spectacle. I said to them “you jerks, you’ve taken all I have.” 

This is a picture I took of sea gulls eating fish carcass in Alaska.
Carnivores!
I changed their eyes to red laser eyes because I think they are actually robots controlled by vultures.