perhaps a pampered pigeon peacefully pecking at pileworts?

If you were homeless would you eat a pigeon?

Things to consider:
You would have to catch it first.
You would have to build a fire in a trashcan.
You would be living in a city where pigeons carry a multitude of diseases such as psittacosis.
You would have a peg leg.
You would be so so hungry and would not have coffee OR sugar.

No aplogies for length... I could talk about All A Cappella on 88.9 wers all day long.

There is one reason that working on Saturday is somewhat redeemable. One perfectly pitched and vocally blended reason. And that reason is called All A Cappella Saturday on 88.9 wers. Yes you better believe it, I’m talking about a cappella music. And this delightful display of purely vocal talent airs on the radio no day other than Saturday! (Well it plays on Sundays too but that's beside the point.) Every Saturday I wake up angry that I do not get to sleep until the sunshine wakes me. Devastated that I cannot participate in a leisurely brunch where if I wanted I could mix things up with a mimosa on the side. And most of all truly pissed off that my morning coffee will have the aftertaste of work rather than the body of friendship and lingering notes of spontaneous weekend fun. BUT. Then I remember, all is right with the world because today is All A Cappella Saturday! Hey what a day!
I’m not sure what it was about this past All A Cappella Saturday; maybe it was the usual dynamic and peppy voices; perhaps it was the surprise riffs or perfect intonation; and most definitely it was the fact that the play list included Billy Jean-No Diggity medley and Mama Mia. But this Saturday’s a cappella combination put me in an impulsive mood and I naturally found myself at Target on my break. As I perused the aisles, something kept ringing in my ears “baba do bado bu doo”. Was that perfect intonation? Yes, yes it was. In the dress section the riff whispered “doo dabo buuuuy”. So I grabbed a summer dress despite the fact that outside it was 29 degrees. All throughout the store I was followed with a blend of riffs "ba da buuy doowa bubu buy!" which ultimately convinced me to buy a summer dress, coffee, a book, and some harry potter stickers. All my purchases have equally convincing rationalizations. A summer dress to trick my mind into warmness, coffee because... well coffee never needs rationalization, a book because it smelled good, and harry potter stickers... because harry potter is simply the best.

"Got you feelin' crazy, well that was the plan."

Today my legs were really uncooperative. They were bendy at all the wrong moments and ambitious too; I thought they had lost their zeal a long time ago and I was not ready for it to return today.
At one point they catapulted me down the stairs which wasn’t very amusing. And they did a jig in the middle of the free weights at the gym which was odd. Perhaps tomorrow they’ll be a bit more composed...

But wait... there's more.

Check out this peculiar piece of irony: Well it’s not really irony it’s more of a confession but it is peculiar: I am a sucker for infomercials. The live demonstrations. The customer testimonials. The unique products that do anything from hang clothes at an angle to save space in your closet (Hanger Cascader), to chop vegetables with no mess (Slap Chop). Always, there is an escalation of anticipation to reveal the bargain price of the product; usually it is $19.99, quite a steal; sometimes they trick you with multiple payments. “But wait” the tv proclaims to me, “There’s more...” My attention transitions from innocent intrigue to extreme curiosity. The tv shouts out at me “not only do you get a garden tool that takes the hard work out of yard work, but if you call today you will get two Awesome Augers to blast through that hard rock or clay with ease so you can plant some shrubbery.” Two? Two for the price of one! And shrubbery? Exclamation. “Plus,” the tv entices me, “if you call in the next fifteen minutes you will get some fancy garden gloves to grip your Awesome Auger saving time, energy, money and backaches”. There is without fail a sudden necessity of the product in my life. Gets me every time.
For my 13th birthday I asked for Quick n’ Brite Cleaner. The all purpose cleaner that makes cleaning a breeze! It cleans carpets, showers, stoves, shoes, walls, clothes, and more. Truly remarkable. The failure of this cleaner to remove the crayon I drew on the wall as a demonstration of its flair was somewhat disappointing. However the fancy gloves that came with the Quick n’ Brite more than made up for its inadequacies as a cleaner. Plus, the spray bottle had five settings. Currently I have my eyes on a Mister Steamy. What got me on this one was that it gets the wrinkles out without getting the iron out. That’s got to be a time saver.